


Anything For You

by Tousled_Sky



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Major Character Injury, Manipulative Relationship, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-11-20 13:41:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11336664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tousled_Sky/pseuds/Tousled_Sky
Summary: "He'd do anything to make you happy, Celty. He really does love you." Shizuo added softly."It's not that he'd do anything to make me happy, he'd do anything to make me stay."





	Anything For You

**Author's Note:**

> I really don't like Shinra. I hate the way he treats Izaya and I'd like to throw him down a flight of stairs. I'd much rather see Celty with Shizuo than with Shinra.  
> The title is a reference to the song "Anything For You" by Ludo. I think it fits very well - it sounds like a stereotypical love song, but I think it's actually a caution against love - a bit like Romeo and Juliet.  
> This is a look at Shinra and Celty's dysfunctional relationship. This doesn't really tie in with Atlantis too well, since Shinra was upset about Izaya in Ill of the Dead, so it's not included. But Izaya is still thought to be dead in this one - maybe it's an AU of my AU. Either way, it's here, and I hope you guys enjoy it~

She's all Shinra sees.

  
She knows it. She knows that she's the focal point of his vision, his thoughts, his world. The city is only a backdrop for her. Celty might stand on the balcony, staring at the sunset with no eyes and marveling at the colors, at the intricacies of the gradient shades, but Shinra stares out at the balcony and only sees how the hues of the setting sun color her in pastel, how the dying light casts the shadow of her form, the shadows from her neck.

Everything comes back to her, and everything's okay to him as long as she's with him. The city is at war, and he's flippant about it, joking about the demise of Tokyo with her. One of his so-called best friends is dead, and the other dealing with crushing guilt and misery, and he seems entirely unconcerned. 

Celty's sure the city could be burning around them, buildings falling and people screaming, and Shinra would just laugh and go off on some poetic spiel about how the roaring flames of the city around them accented her features.  
The only thing that would shake him is if she left.

  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
_"Shinra, have you spoken to Shizuo lately?"_

  
Shinra tilted his head at the message on Celty's screen. "No, I haven't. Why?"

Celty shrugged, apparently worried. _"I just haven't seen him lately, is all. I've texted him a bit, and called him a few times, but he doesn't respond very often. He doesn't seem to want to talk."_

Shinra's irises tilted towards his eye's upper corners as he thoughts. "Hmm. Well, I haven't really seen him since...that night. He started crying when he was talking about what happened - maybe he's embarrassed about crying in front of me?"

_"I think more likely, he blames himself for Izaya's death and is either depressed or is avoiding you out of guilt."_

Shinra's features arranged themselves in puzzlement. "Why would he avoid me over the guilt of Izaya?"

Celty typed on her phone, looking suddenly irriatated. _"Probably because you *claimed* that Izaya was your friend."_

Feeling a bit attacked and taken aback, Shinra replied, "Celty, Izaya is my friend - we've been friends since middle school."

_"WAS, Shinra. Izaya is dead."_ Celty all but shoved the screen in Shinra's face. Shinra smiled calmly, wisely - as if he was an adult correcting the silly assumption of a child saying something such as "could I touch the moon if I jumped high enough?" - and shook his head. 

"Of course he's not dead, my love! They never found a body - they would have found a body if he was dead."

_"The police never found the body because someone else probably beat them to it. I was online and I saw.. saw the fight. He didn't survive - he couldn't have. Besides, if he was alive, he would have contacted *someone*. You haven't heard from him, Namie hasn't heard from him - he hasn't even contacted his sisters."_

She typed something more, erased it, and then re-typed it slower. _"It's been three weeks, Shinra. Almost a month. Izaya couldn't stay away from his apartment that long - he wouldn't go that long without even contacting anyone."_

Shinra rolled his eyes playfully at her, like he knew that he's right but wouldn't press the issue with his beloved. "Alright, okay. Izaya was my friend."

Celty shook her "head" again, smoke billowing from her neck in a zig-zag pattern from the movement, but offered no further insight into the matter. Shinra tilted his head, confused at the meaning behind her wordless protest.  
"What does that mean, Celty?"

_"Sometimes, Shinra, I wonder if you care about anyone apart from me."_

Shinra looked at her, completely blindsided that Celty was - that she could be - jealous of a man who was possibly-but-probably-not-dead. It was jealousy, right?

"Celty, I don't see why that would upset you, mon cheri. You're all I want, all I need. If I focus all my attention on you, then that's a good thing, love!"

  
_"No."_ Celty shook her head again, suddenly looking about ready to cry.

  
_"No, it's not."_

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
"Aren't you uncomfortable around me at all now?"

  
Shinra paused, turning to look at Shizuo, sitting on the couch. The blond was addressing the doctor, but wasn't looking at him - he was looking off to the side, chin resting in his hands. His posture would have looked like ease, like relaxation, if his muscles weren't so tense, his eyes so troubled.

"Aren't you scared?" He continued, softly, still not looking at Shinra.

"Eh? Why would I be scared of you, Shizuo?" Shinra asked, feeling genuinely confused.

"Because I'm a MURDERER, Shinra." Shizuo snapped suddenly, turning abruptly to face Shinra, his expression a glare that would make any other human cower. The only reaction that Shinra offers, however, is a shake of the head.

"Shizuo, you know no one blames you for that-"

" _I_ blame me!" Shizuo ground out, pushing himself up from the couch and pacing the floor. "I blame myself for what happened - I should have been able to control myself better than that, but instead I just went off on a rage. Like I always fucking do and always will." Shizuo laments, gesturing with his hands as he speaks. 

"And I know you - you and everyone else - all of you say that it's not my fault, say that you don't blame me; you _say_ that. But everyone - _everyone_ \- looks at me differently now. They think I don't notice, but I do. I can see the difference in Celty, in Kadota, in Tom, in -" Shizuo breathed in heavily, face contorting like he might cry for a moment, before continuing- "I can see it in Kasuka. It's not like they hate me or anything, but after Izaya died - after I _killed_ Izaya - everyone looks at me differently." Shizuo looked up to meet Shinra's speechless gaze. 

"Everyone but you. So why? Why don't you seem to think I'm a murderer?"  
Shinra stood there, seemingly lost for words. "I...I don't understand, Shizuo. You're my friend no matter what - why would you want me to feel any differently about you?"

Shizuo raised a hand to his face to rub at his temple, like he'd just heard something he didn't like. When he spoke again, his voice was tired.

"You say I'm your friend, Shinra, but - are you really? Do you want to be my friend, or do you just want to say that you have a friend?" He lowers his hand to gaze at Shinra, face impassive. "I wonder - do you really see me as a friend? Or even as a person?"

"Do you see me as anything more than a concept?"

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
_"Why did you help him?"_

  
Shizuo looked over to Celty's PDA. She was holding it with one hand while the other lay over the railing of the balcony they were looking over. He tilted his head, unsure of her question.

"What are you talking about?"

_"Shinra. You threw him into the sky that night, didn't you? The night he cut me."_

Shizuo feels the guilt again - he'd already brought this up with her, and she had forgiven him. Even now, her words didn't carry any sort of malice against him, but he still felt awful.

"Yeah, I did." He answered. "I'm sorry about that."

_"But why? Why did you throw him?"_

"I..." He trails off, trying to collect his thoughts, to pick his words carefully. "I didn't want to see you go. There was a lot going on that night, and I knew that you might have felt unwanted once you had your head. But you're never unwanted - Shinra wanted to remind you of that. So I threw him up so he could talk to you - I didn't know he was going to slash you like that, I promise."

Celty looked off over the railing silently. Shizuo felt a bit uncomfortable, like maybe he'd said something wrong.

  
"He'd do anything to make you happy, Celty. He really does love you." Shizuo added softly. Now Celty reacted, typing briefly before turning her PDA to Shizuo.

_"You're wrong."_

Shizuo tilted his head. "What?"

_"You're wrong."_ She repeated. _"If he wanted me to be happy, he would have just told me where my head was. He knew where it was, all these years, and he never told me."_

Shizuo stares. "Are you serious?" A nod. "Where the hell was it?"

_"Izaya had it. Don't worry, he wasn't playing any sort of game - Shinra was the one who asked him to keep it. After Izaya's death-"_ Celty furiously backspaces, but Shizuo's reading over her shoulder, he's already seen it - _"After what happened, Shinra moved it somewhere else. He says he doesn't know where it is, but he does, I can tell he does. And he knows how much it means to me. If he wanted me to be happy, he would just tell me where it was. But he won't, because he knows I might leave."_

_"It's not that he'd do anything to make me happy, he'd do anything to make me stay."_

  
She rubs at her shoulder - something Shizuo noticed she does when she's upset. _"That's why I wanted to leave. He might make me angry, but I really do love him. He doesn't deserve...this. He deserves to have a chance at a life where he can make decisions that are best for him - not decisions based only on if they'll make me stay or not. He deserves to have normal relationships, instead of being focused solely on me. He should be able to look at the whole world, instead of his eyes only seeing me._ "

Shizuo stared at the words on the PDA, feeling nonplussed. "Celty, you leaving wouldn't help Shinra - you're his everything."

Celty sighed, leaning against the railing. With the lights of the city illuminating her, darkening her edges and shining mutedly through her smoke, she suddenly looked less like the woman Shizuo had come to know and more like the being that the city knew her as - mythical, awe-inspiring, with experience and years and wisdom that no mortal could ever hope to compile.

She turned to Shizuo, the illusion falling away, and it was just Celty again, holding out her PDA for her friend.

_"That's exactly the issue."_

  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
Celty stays.

  
She stays because she loves Shinra, and she's afraid about what would happen to him if she left. She stays because a selfish part of her wants to stay with him. She stays because he loves her, and she knows he's the best she'll ever get - humans are terrified of her, Shinra's the only person who will ever love her so fully and unconditionally.

She stays, and she feels terrible for it. Because their relationship isn't healthy. It's not good for her, and it's not good for Shinra, either. He can't form normal relationships while she's here. 

Whatever they have - this relationship of devote worshiper and reluctant goddess - definitely isn't normal, and Shinra can't form normal - can't form real - relationships with other people now, either. All his friendships are dysfunctional at best and a sham at worst. Celty remembers one particular time, when Shinra was in middle school - the night he walked in the door sunnily, just released from the hospital with a row of stitches in his abdomen.

At Celty's panic at his state, Shinra beamed. "I got that when I saved Izaya from a bully yesterday! The bully tried to stab him and I jumped right in between them - I saved his life!"

  
Celty's overloaded with this information - her fingers hover above her keypad, not knowing whether to praise Shinra for his bravery and courage in saving his friend or scold him for his foolishness in getting himself hurt. Grinning, Shinra speaks again before she even gets the chance to type anything.

"I know you love it when I help people - that's why I did it!"

Celty's hands freeze above the keyboard - not from indecision, but from cold realization.  
Shinra didn't save Izaya because he cared about him. He saved Izaya because he thought it would make her happy.

If he hadn't thought she would be pleased with him for such an act, he would have just stood there and watch the other child - watch his "friend" - be stabbed, bleed out, die.

That knowledge made her a bit uncomfortable around Shinra for a while - the same discomfort she gets now when she realizes he'd burn the world just to see her smile.

Or, more accurately, he'd burn the world just to make her stay.


End file.
